Need a Green Card; Prefer Platinum

As a guest resident in this land of unemployment, I've finally overcome the guilt and decided to accept my visitation visa.  The hook?  I couldn't buy my children food.

I'm a smart enough cookie; but I'm not the right fit for anything.   I may be a descendent of King Midas; only what I touch turns into disarray.

do my best to support my family (and myself) as we have battled since October with several family occurrences of cancer, death, long-term illness, multiple surgeries, etc.

I also seem to have a tendency to step in financial dog-poo again and again, I find that this month, in addition to dizzying monetary responsibilities when I have no money, yet still need to feed the kids, gas the car, pay bills & rent, etc, I need also to somehow pay for my daughter's tenth birthday, buy a Christmas tree, supply endless encouragement as my kids loose teeth by the mouthful, while maintaining a schedule to keep everyone happy.

Needless to say, the whole Christmas thing is going to be a bit more on the "Charlie Brown" side this year.  My kids are ok with the limited presents; they are shockingly perceptive.  I can't count the endless nights of sorrow and tears they bear as they relate to me how much they wish it was like it was when I taught and their lives were perfect.

The idea of living in a standard two-bedroom apartment right off the highway that smells like a bowling alley considered perfection was a comment I dared not inquire upon.  The kids ALWAYS know what's going on, even when they don't have words for it.  It's an unfortunate part of what few can fathom.

I have two funerals this week.

I have a job opportunity but can't afford to get the testing materials and pay to take the licensing test again.  I've been attending weekly meetings for nearly two months and still haven't been able to make the test (or the studying) happen because every time I blink, something else happens.

I applied for food stamps after being rejected for $50 worth of groceries.  I never thought that someone with nearly two graduate degrees would need to go on food stamps.

I was smart, I saved.

But my transmission died and replaced that safety net, leaving me with almost no money to my name.

A year ago I was looking into investing, upgrading my life insurance, and never blinked about all those things I took for granted until they come up: asthma medication, medical visits... These things no longer come easy; and I'm in dire need.

The ironic twist is that in retrospect, I'm stronger than I've been in a long time.

I KNOW I'm doing everything I can to keep my children happy.

They will remain in the same school district, and in the same home.  We do homework together, eat well-balanced meals every night, and are thankful for what God has given us, and read a story before we go to bed.

I know my optimism may only last for a euphoric evening, but losing a (yet another) former student reminds me of what I do have; my kids.  They are my world.

As a guest resident in  unemploymentville, I'm ready to upgrade.  Its time to get my feet wet and trade this green card in for a platinum membership to a great career that appreciates my skills, recognizes my passion, and lets me climb back to being who I truly am.