Acceptance? I Don't Think So

The economy is under durress.  Job-loss is inevitable.  If you devoted your life to a career you loved, one that made you happy, it is not unheard of to grieve in a layoff situation.  The five stages of grief translate easily to the resulting emotional dejection.  Those stages begin with denial and isolation, then proceed to anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

I believe that although you pass through these stages, there is a consistent gravitation to feel all of the stages at once, like a spinning record designed to make you insane with doubt, until confidence is shattered.  Even when responsibility is accepted, anger will likely linger, especially if the job situation ended unfairly in any way.

The fact that there are fewer and fewer jobs available doesn't exactly make it easy to move forward, and although there is plenty to to accept as a result of the layoff, there is no need to accept the idea that you are no longer a valuable asset. 

 

 

It seems the list omitted the step happens in place of acceptance, when you decide to take matters into your own hands and make things happen yourself rather than accept the path laid out for you.

                                                 

This replacement step isn't easy.  You have to put aside the notions of who you were and make room for who you will become, beginning with who you are.  What are your values?  Your intrinsic needs?  Your passions?

 

It took me  almost a year suffering the despondency of grief, heightened by taking the worst possible jobs for my personality type.  I was sitting at one of these jobs, making less than I've ever earned, when I realized the freedom of financially bottoming out. 

 

I drafted business plans, made lists, took career quizzes, and paid attention to what I did that made me happy.  I looked up businesses that my talents could potentially fit into, put together a portfolio, and met business owners with confidence rather than desparation. 

 

I refuse to accept the underlying stipulations of a layoff.  My grief ends on my terms.  And in so many ways, it paid off.

Happiness and Hell

I was going to be a lawyer.  I knew it since I was in the single digits.  I worked my ass off to get into a great school, and did.  I traded the initiations associated with college life for the hard work necessary to get into a good law school, and could have; had I not realized something very important about myself.

 

I had a ton of odd jobs as an undergraduate.  Some were fun, some disasterous, but none so rewarding as teaching.  I fell in love.  Sharing what I knew to help others find voice in their writing made me happier than any other job I'd ever had... and I had some amazing experiences! 

 

I traded Law School applications for Graduate School applications, and got in to an English program right away.  Before the year let out, I had my first teaching job at a boarding school where I happily taught and coached for four years, and moved a few hours north and into the public school relm where my career took off.

 

I was on top of the world, doing what I loved, publishing in the field, speaking at national conventions, and leading a fulfilling personal life for the next five or so years.  While the personal life fell apart, there was a change in administration.  To keep it short, I no longer think of my beloved classroom when I think of teaching.  

 

To make a healthy re-start, I listed what I loved:

• My children
• Writing
• Photography
• Being Outdoors
• Gardening

During my unemployment, I realized my applications/resumes/phone-calls wouldn't get responded to any faster if I stared at my inbox, waiting.  I swallowed the guilt, and did something that would help me feel valued again.

 

I volunteered in my children's classroom and gardening program, and started my own writing business. 

 

Then I took on an office job.

 

This is when I realized that I need an interactive component on a daily basis.  The walls of my cubicle don't talk back, and in spite of working with the three nicest women on the planet, I'm in hell.

 

This got me wondering, do most people actually just settle for more than forty hours of their waking lives, never to consider their own happiness?  

 

I was taught to do what makes me happy.  I'm still building my business, and although I'm not sure how else my happiness translates to the working world anymore, I'm sure as hell going to try. 

What a Potential Employer Won't Realize about Unemployment

Getting laid-off from a company that you trusted and dedicated several years of your life to is a traumatic experience.  A sense of lacking self-worth grows tenfold after weeks of rejection from potential hires for the same position, and debilitating after several months on unemployment benefits while you are attempting to get jobs in lower-paying positions, finally tanking what's left of your self-confidence when it seems like potential employers see your unemployment as the result of your actions.

A potential employer will not recognize the fact that there are no positions available in your field. If you were so highly qualified, why did they ditch you? But they won't ask.

What they will see is incompetence.

A potential employer will not see that while you weren't working for six months, you were trying to get another job, and balance that with losing your house, keeping your spouse, and finding an attorney so you can see your kids after you did lose your spouse.

What they will see is financial instability.

A potential employer will not understand that going to the gym every day was the only way to convince yourself that you had something to commit to.  It made you set your alarm and go to bed on time because without your family or a job, there wasn't much reason to get up in the morning. 

What they will see is poor time managment skills.

A potential employer will not recognize the fact that your pride, self-confidence, and general life satisfaction make what comes out of a meat-grinder look like a sweet, happy cow in comparasin.

What they will see is emotional instability.

And finally the potential employer is correct.  There is no emotional stability when you had to learn loss on a fast-track.  When a layoff to becomes a head-game, its easy to believe that everything you worked toward for your whole life was in vain.  You were the most valuable player.  You gave up a social life to work on that education.  You climbed mountains of ladders, smashed glass cielings, and now what? 

 

Now you have choices:

 

     1.  Give up

     2.  Press on

 

How did you answer that choice all those years back?  That same answer remains the key for your success, even now.

 

 

Five Post-Layoff Interview Secrets

As one reaping the benefits of overhearing managerial complaints about recent interviews, I'm learning ample information that my mother (a stay-at home woman who wore make-up to bed and heels to the grocery store) never told me.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Don't wear perfume to an interview

2. Don't chat up the interviewer/ extend the interview for more than a half hour

3. Don't tell them how much money you used to make

4. Don't try to impress them

5. Don't tell them you've been unemployed for any length of time

Here's the breakdown:

1. Even if you smell badly, it will stink more if your potential manager can't concentrate on what you have to say because s/he is too overwhelmed with a stuffed head and runny eyes because you want to smell expensive. This also applies to smoking in your car before an interview, but I'm a biased non-smoker and thought that was obvious.

2. You are one potential candidate seeking employment. You may be charming, funny, and personable, but that is information best kept after sitting around and figuring out who you're working with. An employer wants you to answer the questions, explain any gaps on your resume, and find out if you are some kind of freak-show or not. If you're a nervous chatter, just shut the fuck up. Practice doing so with a spouse or loved one when in a heated discussion you have a lot to say about.

3. Omit the fact that you've made two to ten times the amount of what you are willing to work for. Employers will freak out if they think you expect them to pay you what you're really worth. You're back at the bottom of the picking order. At this point, you're probably applying to a job outside of your field. They're not going to pay you more than they pay their own manager, and definitely not more than they pay their CEO.

4. First impressions are important. Outwardly. Verbally impressing someone can cost you a job. If you make it to the interview, remember to shut the fuck up. They're looking for someone to complete a task. Get the job to do that task, THEN work your way up. You are only being interviewed for the ONE position. Your prior success and skill-set could make you a threat to the individual interviewing you in that you may be more qualified than they are for a position sought by them internally.

5. Not having worked for any length of time looks like you don't want to/aren't willing to work. The easiest solution to this interviewing faux-pas is to hold a magnet to your head. Ignorance is bliss, so it's best to forget about who you were professionally. You need a job to feed your family, so none of that matters in the interim. Erase it. Try to get your real-estate/health-insurance/life-insurance etc. license, even if it's not what you want to do so you can at least say you were trying to do something. Not being good in Sales, or even failing to pass a test, -looks far better on a resume than a huge, gaping job hiatus of several months to a year.

You're not alone in an economy that makes you financially worth less after ten years of experience and several years of education than you were as a teenager. Best of luck.

Sincerely,

Amanda K.

@mandiklim