A Five(-ish) Day Plan to Losing Something Other Than My Job

When I initially went on unemployment, I'd sit at the computer all day, every waking day, including meals and a million games of Solitaire to help the time pass as I perused first the professional websites, followed by the "FINE I'LL CHANGE MY CAREER!" temper tantrums through Boston's Big Business classifieds that would take me far, far away.

Shortly after these and a million rejections from everything from Craigslist ads, job notifications, hiring agencies, etc. I'd land on the couch in tears, usually by about 3:00 p.m.

I felt like if I couldn't get a job, I should be looking for one.

I felt like if I wasn't looking, I was failing.

The fact was that I couldn't get a job.  I was looking.  And I was failing in spite of it.  But that wasn't the real failure.

The real failure was that I gave up on life.

Three o'clock meant it was time to start eating (instant gratification) and feel trapped by circumstance.  I felt so guilty leaving the house for any reason other than "job-hunting" with a paper arrow that I simply didn't GO anywhere.  I'd stay home.  I'd eat, staring at the computer, void of motivation.

No jumping to conclusions -I'm still working out the kinks on getting motivated

What I realized was that I used to make time for myself when I worked full time.

So I made myself go to the gym.  Instead of setting myself up to fail, I'd keep it simple, take it day by day.

Here is my Five-Day Plan.

• Day 1:  Torture myself by telling myself to get into some damn gym clothes until I gave up and ate cookies or chips for the rest of the day
• Day 2:      (lets just assume about a week or so of Day #1 was repeated for time's sake, and that this whole cycle hit the "reset" button more than once)
• Day "3":   Put on gym clothes and wear them in the house while I repeated Day #2 type-habits for a few days
• Day 4:     Get in the car and cry that I let it get to this point.  Drive to the damn gym and go inside to work out.
• Day 5:     Work out

See?  It only took five days (over the course of five months) to get there!  

And its official.

I've lost more than five pounds.  

Scorned Job-Seeker Seeks Identity

This morning, a news person stated that being unemployed isn't only bad for the economy, but bad for your health.  She may as well have said that a circle is round.

I chuckled at the statement, as would anyone who adamantly seeks employment yet finds none.  Though there is nothing funny about the state of our nation's economy, there is even less humor in the purely dissonant and vapid emotional lackluster of personhood felt after losing the status we so often use to define ourselves: doctor, teacher, plumber, lawyer, cashier...

Regardless of the title, losing the position we have worked our lives to achieve, is more than losing a title.

We lose our identity.

And then what?

I found that losing my job (-fortunately a lay-off situation) left me at the emotional equivalent of a scorned lover.  I'd worked my whole life to build the education, maintain the experience, and develop myself professionally.  Getting laid off left the passion I had for my life's work at a standstill.

In initial job-searches, I was picky about location, benefits, and the like.  I continued to search in my field, and elaborated on what skill sets I had that could be used in other areas.  I began to apply for jobs in related fields... distant related fields... reaches...

Eventually, finding a job that would feed my family out-ranked my desire to find a career that would value my accomplishments.  

I began to fill out the lengthy applications with scorn rather than hope.  Eventually I stopped pressing, "send" to certain position, to save myself from the embarrassment of rejection.

It was within a month of unsent applications within my field that I gave up on my career.

And I became null.

As a single parent with shared custody, I was limited in where I could go and the hours I could work.    So I did something I thought I'd never do.

I gave in.

Unemployment benefits have the stigma of being a motivation for the jobless to remain so.  Though I understand that concept in part, I must argue that sometimes, its both necessary and life-saving.

I wasn't getting any bites after dubious attempts at positions in any field I could physically and mentally do.  I was rejected every time.

• I'm overqualified.  

When I "dumbed down" my resumé, the interview would give me away.  I would answer basic questions without finesse.  I would stress to them that I would be a great... anything.  With some, I'd research the companies so they would know I was serious; others, I'd go cold to show I was trainable.

I'd get rejected and told that I'd stay a month and leave.  I'd stress my need to provide for my family.  Still, no bites.  I'd get rejected because I typed too fast.  I'd get rejected because I knew what they were talking about.

Then there was the other challenge.

I'm under-experienced.

For all the jobs I could do, I wasn't given a chance to prove myself in the field.  There were plenty of other __________ who had an internship out of college and were therefore more qualified to __________.

The reality was painful.  Not only did my field reject me, other fields weren't willing to meet me.  It was the dating scene all over again.  I'd gone

      Education = Dating Scene
      Career= Marriage

      Lay-off = Divorce
      Unemployment = Group Therapy
     
      Resumé = Too good for me
      Experience = Not my type

      Hiring Agency = Dating Service
      Interview= Blind Date (and we all know how those tend to go)

When I decided to stop being so hard on myself for not being able to get a job, the whole thing got a little less stressful.

I learned where to avoid the scams and dead ends.

Today, as I continue my search for income, I'm trying to take my time to a new level.  I made time for myself to go to the gym all those years I was employed and should stop feeling guilty doing something for myself that I more than deserve.  I made time to write every day throughout my career, so why did I stop when I became unemployed?

I started to write again.

I've always loved writing.  I've written for myself since I was fourteen years old.  I wouldn't consider it a "hobby" as much as a passion.

And so I'm going for it.  I've set myself up a website and invested about $50 toward marketing myself as a freelance writer.

Whether or not that leaves me with employment opportunities is yet to be seen.  I would LOVE to make a living as a writer.  But as it stands, the worst case scenario I can foresee, is that I'm spending time doing something I love, regardless.  I'm getting back to becoming me.

And by the way?

      Me = a really strong employment opportunity worth taking a chance on